The Variety Hour

New Years Eve and there's a jumper:

...after attempting several times to block out the screeching of the three 12-year old girls at the glow of MTV's New Years Eve "event", I looked to my left to see one of the kids jumping onto Melodi's back and sinking his teeth into the top of her head like she was an apple. She calmly, somehow, tried to grab him and lift him off her, failing, then trying to shake him off. Each rotation looked more painful. I pulled him off her and held him above Medlodi's head, making sure there was no bleeding or major damage, the delivered him unto the couch. "You're going to sit now." He defied, so I grabbed him again and sat him down. Not more than a minute later he realized that the couch was parallel to the short wall and gave him easy access to the opening that led down to the doorway on the first floor. He made a move toward it. I lunged after him, sitting him back down. "No, you're sitting now!" But he fought his way free and made another leap. Everyone in that upstairs "entertainment room" was screaming at either the TV or the fact that I was trying to prevent a nearly three-year old child from plummeting to his death. His dad, with the swiftness of a new amputee, stomped up the stairs, grabbed his son, gave me the nastiest look I've ever seen and stomped back down the stairs. I looked over at Melodi to see if she was all right, then Sanam and Layla. They were all confused at what had just transpired. Thoughts of, "why did that kid just try to kill himself?" and "why was his dad mad at David for saving him?" zipped through their heads like the 12-year olds' screaming. Soon there after, I left...

"I'm making honking noises! With my mouth!"

...I wasn't sure how late we would be at the game. Probably around eleven, twelve o'clock depending on the outcome and traffic, I thought to myself, sitting in the drivers seat of my car quickly chewing and swallowing my North Beach sandwich. I would have to be at work early the next morning, well, as early as I normally have to be at work, and I wasn't too excited about it. Soon there after, Sanam called to meet them in front of the Champs as I finished, opened the door and shoved the sandwich's packaging into its bag and threw everything of consequence into my bag.

Giving myself a shot of seven units of insulin in the back of Sanam's dad's SUV, Sanam blurts out, "So, David, after that kid who tried to jump got downstairs he told his mom, 'Mommy, I just wanted to jump once, mommy.'"...

Card into Gate? Check. Card into door? Computer? Phone? No? Stress induced neck pains? Check.

...I walked around the office with an irritated, faux cool strut. If Yoshee had seen me, he would have a) laughed, b) slapped his knee, c) pointed, d) asked what was wrong...