Hello Myself, Meet Myself

When people present me with a problem, I tend to want to offer a hand. Anything I can do to help them in which ever situation they're in. It's automatic most of the time. There was a realization, an internal, two voice monologue that was created with me in a cape, arms akimbo. While there I would have one self discussing with another self. A sort of rational thought David conversing with psuedo-superhero David. Now, this does, in fact, sound odd. The separation of a person into parts to resolve problems works for me though. I feel I'm able to address one aspect that may be problematic, troublesome, irrational, or frightened by the collective rational, level-headedness, and calm of my overall self. Even other times I prefer to sit all sides around a giant table and remind them/me that my spirit is happy, and that all the tests in my life are marginal in reality. In this case there is the superhero.

As it stands, I do want to help everyone who asks for it. It has become a large part of me. However, in my past, I probably looked for these issues or stood on a street corner with a "animated", neon sign of me dressed normally, a tornado of clothes and limbs, and me in a cape, akimbo, with confidence brimming through my sparkle, sparkle teeth. Either way, things have changed; I've changed, and I continue to do so and will well after I die; it's a process. The wild thing that I've gleaned today from a conversation as been that I really don't know in what response works best for each person. It's not innate in me. I'm sure it exists in small pockets through my body but not in one select spot that can been pipped in to and, with the turn of a spoked nosal, turned on and off. But it's true, I do want to help people. Not the way I did things before. Capes never suited me. I wish for the complex that was part of my past and helped me to better understand myself and others remain at that very large table. Because when I step up to the head of that table, smile, and remind the shards of self that I'm a good person regardless of whether or not I'm a superhero I want to believe that not offering to do something often times is like turning down a beggar, as you're only helping that person for that one moment and not the rest of their life. And yes, I realize now that this whole metaphor of me understanding that I'm no longer a superhero could be rewritten to focus on the beggar aspect but it's two thirty at night, my room is warm after asking for the gauge to be turned up, and I remembered to wear my immobilizer. Hopefully it will help to prevent the weird feelings I've been having about my knee even though I know only PT will cure that.

And anyway, that's a whole other entry that I'll probably sit in my bed and write at midnight, one, or two in the morning and mention the temperature in my room.