Have I told you the story of the hippo and the watermelon?

This is a story I just told Lindsey over IM:

One summer a bird - you know, an African one - was landing near a God-made lake in the middle of a blank area. The bird landed near the water and was greeted by scores of other birds - also, African ones - who chirped and moved over to allow the first bird access to the water. The bird appreciatively started sipping slowly while others bathed, played, and splashed about in the calm water. One of the other birds - a short one, you know the kind with the blue feathers - hopped over and asked, "Hello! Where are you from? What watering hole do you frequent? I ask because none of us have seen you before." To which the bird responded, "Oh, I've been traveling for several miles, migrating, because my land's were taken over for farming. We tried sharing the land, but the machinery's smoke columns and noise became too much. So, I left."

"Wow," exclaimed the tiny bird, "that's a horrible story. I'm sorry to hear that you had to abandon your family. Well, we'll gladly accept you into our collective, if you'd like." "I'd like that very much," cried the bird. The two birds hugged as birds do - you know, they nestled up next to one another; don't get all gross about it, ya jerk - and began to drink the water together.

Later that day, a rhino came to the lake to rest and drink.
It's hardened, gray skin like armor reflected the sun's rays and provided shade for some of the younger birds. The bird saw the rhino and instantly recognized it. The bird quickly flew overly and greeted it's old friend the rhino - animals don't have names, they're animals; this isn't the Lion King, come on! - with wild chirping and elated flapping. To which the rhino began stomping about in happiness, disrupting the younger birds around the rhino - I can't tell if the rhino's a male or female, and I'm not going down there to check; that's gross - until the rhino stopped and quickly began conversation. After a lengthy conversation about how the rhino and bird's families were - they're short because of a meeting you have to go to; thanks - the bird noticed that the tip of the rhino's horn had been chipped off asked what had happened. The rhino sank into the folds of it's neck and bashfully said, "I don't want to talk about it" - which translates to, "thanks for reminding me, jerk." "Oh, come on. I hope nothing hurt you," said the bird dripping with care and concern. The rhino, reluctantly, explained that the other day, when walking by a lake similar to this a hippo splashed out from the water, surprising the rhino, and threw a coconut at the rhino's head.

The bird was stunned that such a thing would happen, looking around to notice that the story had produced an audience of over fifty birds from all around the lake, listening intently. "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to make things better?" "Yes," said the rhino quietly, "you can all back away from the lake slowly. Act like there's nothing wrong. Just get about twenty feet from the edge." "Why?" asked the bird. "You want to help me or not?!" shouted the rhino, in a whisper.

Very quickly, all the birds who had been playing along the cusp of the lake receded well beyond the rhino. "Now," stated the rhino calmly, "BREAK YO'SELF!" shouted the rhino as it stood up on its hind legs, pulled a rocket launcher out from under it's left leg - dude, if I had looked back there I totally would have seen the thing, but that, still, would have been intrusive and gross - and fired it into the lake, blowing all of the water and a hippo up in the air.

The hippo, now very dead, landed about five feet from the rhino who had settled back on all fours and replaced the rocket launcher. The rhino, slowly pulled a watermelon out and began chomping down on it as it walked toward the corpse. "That's for stepping on my shoes," the rhino said quietly as it walked away. All the birds horrified, clumped together as the rhino walked passed.


So, I don't have a moral to this story. Give it a moral in comment form, or suggestions on how to make this story more ridiculous.