An unlawful maneuver

I waited outside for my roommate's sister's fiancé's friend to arrive, breathed heavy and saw my breath.

I saw my breath, in June. Early, very early, on June 30, in fact. Now, I should add to that by saying the visible breath was slight and I was breathing a little heavy, but still. Such a think should never happen. I shouldn't hear that it's warmer, in the winter, in Perth, Australia right now.

Oh yeah! Also!

You'll have a great time here in Decatur if you're a raincloud or a huge fan of show choir.

A text message from Lindsey

"I am so glad you found out about your ass parasites!"
My friends are supportive and awesome.

Oh, I have some things to write about, I just haven't. But I will soon...I hope. See, the issue here is that I've been really focused on relaxing and working on getting an A in this class I'm taking here at Millikin. When I get some time, which will probably take place on Sunday as I'll be done by the end of tomorrow, I'll be sure to write about my trip to Millikin and its parallels to the first time I ever came down here to visit, a conversation I overheard about politics and religion, the overwhelming and painful stomach aches that have plagued me since I got here, and the chef who was the answer to my dietary prayers. I look forward to writing it!

Running of the Bull...ish President

Here's a fantastic article about what goes on in the middle of the fourth inning at National games. Mount Rushmore! I call on thee!!
Love it.

The Effect

There are very few moments of blinding rage in my memory. I can search back, search for tags in the files of my mind and bring up rarely anything resembling a "rageful" moment or "losing it" because of something that happened or was said. Heck, moments of actual anger are so few and far between that the search results could fit on two, maybe three pages on Google. This is not, however, true of my reaction to ignorant racism. Ignorant racism is a term I'll use for a moment in which someone uses a racially insensitive or offensive term without understanding its true nature. A good example would be where, because the people around someone uses a term a person assumes it is okay to use that term themselves. Problem is: it's not okay.

This just came up just a few minutes ago as I was reading a friend's wall, and saw that someone used an insensitive word. Now, being as how this person is in Texas, specifically the DFW area (a place where students have shown up for Halloween in black face) it pulls me in to the personal knowledge that there are still places in the US, specifically the southern states, where the overt racism is still rampant and takes place without thought. It stems from a place of complete ignorance and devoid of the understanding that what they're saying may be wrong. Still, I can't say this is an excuse, simply a fact of what the world is comprised of at its current history. But I digress.

Moments where I see or hear someone using such words, being completely oblivious of the surrounding context of a word infuriate me to no end, and it’s only recently that I’ve been trying to quench the tendency to “lose it” or change that anger into something positive. Actually, this came about after a conversation with my roommate’s mother, after telling her the story of something that happened in, you guessed it, Texas. She explained that my anger is commendable, but ultimately doesn’t really help to diminish the likelihood of someone displaying ignorant racism. Channeling the anger through the understanding that what the person is doing is, generally, out of ignorance the best response one can give is by attempting to educate. After all, a Bahá’í it’s our understanding that living the life and embodying race unity is the best way to change the world view of race and other such injustices. It’s only through those actions, those positive attempts to just exist, that revolution can take place.

So, I’m glad that I took this moment, this long moment to work through my own anger about racism and injustices that are dealt to those around me and transform that negativity into something overtly positive. I hope you’re able to take the time to think, as I did, more about how you can best embody racial unity and equality in your everyday life. And recognize that it’s not only a long, extremely difficult road it’s also an incredibly rewarding destination.

Lined in...

The rain follows me for a lot of reasons. I talk in my sleep which disrupts my roommate and just plain telegraphs it across the world. I make my grandparents angry because on my vacation I didn't spend enough time with them, my friends are disappointed because I didn't spend enough time with them on my vacation, and my fluid in my head has been replaced by tears from my brain which has depressed that I couldn't take a vacation. I'm relegated to my desk, which is the middle of the apartment; not private but exposed to everyone here and the neighbors who can see through the two large windows and one window with patched together diamonds of class with black caulk. To sit here, while someone walks by on the phone, talking joyfully as I attempt to spill. My room is dark with the blinds drawn instead of bright with them open like I need it, to feel like I'm not dead. The light is on in the closet, because my roommate continues to leave it on after he leaves or sits at his desk, in the room, boxing my bed with two walls and the door to make four sides. The person who reminded me, who had faith in me, who would text me with messages like, "You're David Precht, and you're loved," taking away from the three phone calls asking me if I forgot to make other phone calls or take care of other things is no longer visible. Or those others who simply question, like the room is an interrogation and detention center. Track lighting instead of the florescence strobing with energy saving effort. But mainly the rain follows me because while I love who I am, what I have planned for myself, the stupidity and narrow-mindedness of this society, of the culture that I am half part of immediately assumes that I'm not worth anything. That my path isn't going to provide for a family. That I could if only I went out and got my doctorate in something retarded field that I'm not passionate about at all, that I would depressed and hate myself for entering in the first place. That's what I need. What I should do. The path I should have taken. The rain falls on me because I'm ashamed that part of me can't accept the very nature of who I am, and who I have to be. Now, as those doombringing clouds begin to dissipate and the rain slows to a trickle, barely drowning out the thunder miles and miles away I take solace in the fact that I have, a long time ago, begun on the path Baha'u'llah established for me. Happy in the knowledge that my gift is the right one, my life will continue smile-filled, and the family I start will abolish the myths that my predecessors tried to orate from their Mercedes Benz's.