Self-Analytical

Occasionally, someone brings it up, "Any prospects?" "No," and it goes on from there for a while. I don't elaborate on reasons or get into the real minutia of how things have panned out in my history with women. But really, it hasn't been good, mostly. Generally attracting the complicated or struggling. I've packed my bags and accepted that, right now, there aren't any whom I've met that break that mold. Who aren't looking for some encouragement or a shrink, I'm neither, but an equal. Someone to grow and progress with. To move through the worlds of God. To share with.

The funny thing is that I've written this exact entry before, perhaps more than twice, and the results turn out the same. This time, however, it stems from my sitting here on the train listening to a young woman complain to her boyfriend as he stares back vacantly and the guy across from her, while his own girlfriend, checks her out. Or the group of three, complaining about 'guys,' preparing to land at a party. It's an exercise in supposed gender roles. More aptly, a celebration. They act as their generation and gender is supposed to. It's likely that they question these thoughts. Think about them, briefly, at moments when their alone only to snap back to norms in a single erasing stroke. It's actually difficult to think of anyone who doesn't. I'm sure it happens in samples in places, and they're gleeful ignorance fills them with a fabricated feeling of displacement, of vacuousness. They'll never say so, of course. Keeping to themselves, they don't think it's apt to mention, like the already established mores dictate.

As males we're supposed to keep feelings, thoughts, and emotions in check; never revealing ones true self for fear of being called a sissy and being dejected. And as women, they're supposed to bramble directionless, and never show any real intelligence. That's not, of course, to say this is universal. Simply, that it is accepted; perhaps even expected.

Maybe this is just the world that I see, the world that "talks most and says least" as my high school had and continues to nominate and vote on. Maybe those of merit, the women I'm actually interested in are among those who "speak least and say most." But how does one find this person? Are they happened upon? I hope so. I'm tired of hearing silly things from people who only have my happiness on their minds. Silly things without ever trying to understand what it is that might make a person happy.

No offense, friends.